Dan
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 125 lbs
Profession: Unemployed
Cars Destroyed: 318
Quote: "You'll get yours, Arizona."
Bio: Our hero and loveable misanthrope, Dan is on a perpetual quest for revenge against all enemies, real and perceived.

Elise
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 115 lbs
Profession: Superspy
Enemies Subdued: 42
Quote: "You got yourself a ninja problem."
Bio: Married to Chris, somewhat tolerant of Dan, Elise has a shadowy past and a unique skill set.

Chris
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 220 lbs
Profession: Temp
Meals Per Day: 14
Quote: "Why'd we have to take my car?"
Bio: Dan's friend, sidekick, accomplice, and lackey, Chris only wants to live and let live. And eat. A lot.

Mr. Mumbles
Height: 1'2"
Weight: 15lbs, 2oz
Profession: Cat
I.Q.:154
Quote: "Mrow."
Bio: Dan's kitty. A rescue from the Animal Shelter and Dan's healthiest interpersonal relationship.